


I won't let you say goodbye

by WolfKomoki



Category: Heavy Rain
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ari 2.0, Blayden - Freeform, Drug Withdrawal, Hallucinations, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-19
Updated: 2016-01-21
Packaged: 2018-05-02 09:37:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5243477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfKomoki/pseuds/WolfKomoki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Carter Blake never thought that he'd be living with Norman Jayden, nor did he expect to be in a relationship with a hero. Norman feels like anything but a hero as he's still struggling with Tripto withdrawal. If that wasn't enough, Norman has a death wish. Carter won't let that happen if he has anything to say about it. Norman discovers a dark secret.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Gun

**Author's Note:**

> Heavy Rain is owned by Quantic Dreams.

          It was raining, again. It was always raining. Did it ever stop raining in this town? Jayden woke to the feeling of clammy hands. Sighing, he slowly crawled out of bed as he tried not to wake Carter, who was not a morning person. He could feel the beginnings of the withdrawal happening and he’d rather not have Carter witness it again.

          He rushed to the bathroom and slammed the door shut as his hands began to shake. He stared at the blue vial in his pocket. The triptocane was a counterbalance to the side effects of the Ari, or so he told himself. In reality the Triptocane was killing him even faster than he could comprehend.

          Norman grabbed the vial and tossed it out the window, watching as it crashed on the ground and broke into pieces. Once doing this he was met by a blinding pain that sent him crashing to the floor.

          Norman’s hands eventually stopped shaking so he lay there as illusions of being underwater filled the room. The quiet sound of the ocean helped ease his mind from the blinding pain that came with the withdrawal.

Norman looked at the fish in the water as the quiet sounds of the ocean relaxed him.

          Several hours passed before Carter’s voice broke through the blissful, quiet, ocean depths in Norman’s mind.

          “Shit Norm! Snap out of it!” Carter called, frantically shaking the younger man’s shoulders. He was looking at Carter, but he wasn’t really _seeing_ Carter. When Carter had found him, he was on the floor, staring up at the ceiling with a glassy look in his eyes. He had called his name several times, but the agent just wasn’t responding.

 _“Snap out of it Norman! Come back to me!_ ’” Carter’s voice called through the water. Norman was drowning in his mind, and soon enough a spasm ran throughout his entire body.

          “Shit! What do I do?” Blake cursed as he carried Norman to the bedroom. He then put him down on the floor as he turned Norman on his side.

He then put a folded jacket under his head and unbuttoned the collar of Norman’s shirt. Blake sat in pure agony and fear as he watched the violent tremors coming from Norman’s body until finally, after five minutes the tremors stopped and he cried out in pain.

          “Jesus Norman you scared the shit out of me!” Blake complained as he carried him back to the bed. He covered him with a blanket when he started shivering and he lay next to him as he slowly slept by him.

The next day they had to question a suspect who was suspected to be the new serial killer.

          Norman had gone ahead into the suspect’s apartment as Blake checked the perimeter outside, making sure they didn’t miss anything.

          “I’m Norman Jayden, I’m here to ask you a few questions?” Norman asked, showing his suspect the id. The suspect quickly became angry and shoved a gun to Norman’s forehead. Norman didn’t feel fear when he felt the cold metal, gun shoved to his forehead. He was tired.

          Tired of the tremors, the anxiety, the vertigo, the shaking, the clammy skin, the hallucinations, the aggression, the blurred vision, the dehydration, the pain, and the tachycardia. He didn’t bother fighting back, as he was tired of living. What use was fighting now if his addiction was going to kill him?

 _If you’re going to do this, do it quick._ He thought.

          Norman flinched when the sound of a gun went off. He slowly opened his eyes, expecting to be dead, but what he found instead was the suspect on the ground and Blake staring up at him.

          “Jesus Christ Norman! Why didn’t you _do_ something? If I hadn’t been there he would’ve _blown your brains out_!” Blake snapped. Norman thought about that one. Would he tell him the truth and risk worrying him, or would he come up with a lie and risk him finding out the truth later?

Blake had realized that Norman had remained silent since he saved him from getting his brains blown out.

          “Norm?” He asked, much calmer now. Norman was still thinking. _If I tell him the truth, then he’ll continue to worry about me, but if I lie to him then he’ll be pissed that I lied. What do I do?_

          “Jesus, Norm? Come on, let’s get out of here.” Blake asked as he grabbed his arm and pulled him outside. When they were outside Blake tried to remain calm.

          “Why didn’t you do anything? If I hadn’t been there he’d have blown your brains out.” Blake demanded. _You might as well tell him._ Norman thought.

          “You had asked once if I had a death wish, and the answer to that is yes.” Norman finally answered. Blake felt his heart break with that statement.

After Blake called in the suspect’s death, they left and Blake started talking to Norman in the car.

          “I know you don’t like the idea of therapy, but now you’ve got me worried. Please, get help, if not for yourself, then for me. Please Jayden.” Blake begged. This caught Norman off guard. This was the first time Blake had called him by his first name.

          “I-I-okay.” Norman stuttered. Blake took him home, and the next day Norman agreed to go to therapy. After therapy Blake picked him up and they went to work. When they got there Norman froze when he heard a loud scream.

          Blake gently grabbed his hand when he suddenly froze up. Norman had told him about his hallucinations and how fucking scary they were, and he would help in any way he could.

          “Hey, it’s okay. You’re okay. You’re safe, with me.” Blake tried to reassure him. Norman blinked when he felt Blake grab his hand and he looked at him when he heard his voice through the screams.

Norman looked around for the source of the noise, trying not to scream from fright as he didn’t want everyone at work to think he was getting murdered.

 


	2. A dark history

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The recordings featured in this chapter are based on the tapes found in a game called Yandere Simulator.  
> http://yandere-simulator.wikia.com/wiki/Tapes

The new Ari was an ear piece that could be hooked up to any computer, projector, phone, or wall. Norman was still damaged from the very first prototype, but at least this way there wouldn’t be any new damage. Norman had smashed the old Ari himself when it went offline.       Carter had walked Norman to his office where he then noticed how small it is.

          “How do you stand it? It’s so small.” Carter asked.

          “Well, Ari 1.0 helped with that, but now I don’t really know.” Norman admitted. Norman stared at his desk, then his phone, then his computer, until he finally landed on the wall. Norman tapped at the fourth button on the ear-piece, as the files appeared on each wall in the office.

          “Whoa.” Blake gasped with amazement. Norman stared at the black glove on his hand. It had a small chip installed on the palm that allows control of the screens that appear. Norman pushed the fourth button on the glove as blue lines covered the fingers of the glove.

          “Holy shit.” Blake gasped, watching the lines appear on the glove.

          “ _Focus_ Blake.” Norman chuckled. Blake then looked at the holographic files on the walls.

          “Wow so many suspects.” Blake muttered. The walls of the entire room were covered in suspects, connected by holographic lines.

Norman flicked the files away as location data appeared on the walls.

          “So it looks like the killer has a twenty mile radius in which they operate.” Norman stated.

          “Fucking hell, do they ever operate in a short radius?” Blake sighed.  
          “ _Of course not_ , they’re trying not to get caught.” Norman said sarcastically.

          “I know that genius.” Blake replied, equally sarcastic.

Norman flicked the location data away as recordings appeared on the screen.

He decided to play the first recording.

          _“Looks like this thing still works. How long has it been since Ari was introduced? Two, maybe three years? Well, as long as it can still record, I might as well say something seeing as I’ll probably be dead when this recording stops._

_My memories are becoming fuzzy. I can feel reality slipping away from me little by little. I remember when they gave it to us. I had a pretty promising career, and I was pretty…happy. If I could turn back time, what would I do differently?_

_I know, I know exactly what I would have done. I shouldn’t have accepted those damn glasses. They warned that it could kill me, but in some fucked up way that excited me. If I hadn’t accepted those shitty glasses, then maybe I wouldn’t be waiting to die, recording my last moments on these glasses. It’s currently January of 2013. I’ve had these glasses for two years, or is it three? As I said my memories are starting to fade. That’s when I heard about the new Ari system. I was denied right away. Was accused of being a raging lunatic with a trigger finger. Well if you’re hearing this then hello…_ ” The recording cut off after that, and Norman flicked his finger to start the next recording.

          _“I was cut from the fbi. They weren’t very fond of my article on the dangers of Ari. They didn’t want any bad press reaching the recruits when they received Ari 2.0. Or maybe they were sadistic fucks that enjoyed watching their test subjects brains explode. To this day I still don’t know how they got away with it. I heard a rumor that I and one other test subject from Ari 1.0 was still alive. I tried to find out if this was the truth, but… they found out. The next day I was strapped to a chair. When I tried to cry out they injected me with some sort of serum designed to erase memories._

 _It was at this point in time that I acted like a mindless drone. They found me hours later, and they let me go, believing that they had “broken me.””_ The recording cut off as Norman flicked to the next one.

          “ _I staggered out the door, making sure not to talk to or look at anyone as I put on the mindless drone act._

_“Damn it Hamish get her out of here!” I heard a voice say. Through my mindless drone act I could show them just how much damage that damned device could do. Test subjects could have any number of dangerous symptoms such as bleeding from their nose indicating a possible aneurysm, hallucinations which are quite violent in nature, tremors from the possible seizures from brain damage, blurred vision from the bleeding of the eyes, pain from their brain that was tearing itself apart, tachycardia from overuse, or even death. I was rushed out of the facility as if I were a mistake that they were trying to cover up._

_Those fuckers knew what they were doing to their test subjects, and none of them fucking cared. If they approved of this, who knows what other shit could be going on with each Ari upgrade? I didn’t want to believe that they were this heartless, but the evidence was staring me straight in the face._

_That’s when I dropped the mindless drone act._

_“YOU MONSTERS!” I screamed at them. They were shocked when they realized that one of their little test subjects was immune to the serum they injected us with when we discovered the truth._

_Of course they tried more injections, none of which worked._

_I put on the mindless drone act again, making sure to look as mindless as I could._

_It worked of course, they were stupid enough to believe it…”_ The recording cut off again. Norman sat down on the floor in absolute disgust as he continued to listen to the next recording.

          “ _The idea of a corrupt organization performing test subjects on humans was enough to make my blood boil. Word of my colleagues’ death quickly spread throughout the entire nation. I didn’t want to become a public figure, I just wanted those monsters crimes to be brought out into the light. I hoped the attention would shut down the organization. Of course they managed to cover it up. Every one of those monsters put on the best act I’ve ever seen. They cried non-stop, feigned ignorance of the whole thing, and called me a psycho bitch that was acting like a child._

_The court fell in love with them. The damn media fell in love with them. The entire damn nation fell in love with them._

_They called me a child that hadn’t been weaned from its mother’s milk yet. They called me a fame seeking bureaucrat. They claimed I made up the story to boost my career. And the court bought every word of it. The day I had all my evidence, I was locked up in a mental institution.”_ The recording stopped again as Norman opened the next one.

          “ _From that day forward I was a national disgrace. I was known across the nation as a lying bitch who killed my coworkers and made up a cover story to boost my own career. Yet again, I was being injected. I was stuck here for an entire year for something that wasn’t true._

_Needless to say I was never able to work as an fbi agent again. My office’s past troubles were erased, just like that. Their crimes were never brought to light. Ever since then, I stopped fighting the drugs they were giving me in hopes that they’d release me from this hell soon. And again I managed to fool more people again, I seemed to be really good at that._

_But the worst part of being locked up here wasn’t that I was a sane person in a mental institution. The worst part was that they took away the Ari 1.o. It was my only evidence of what those monsters had done! I realized after a year, and they returned my Ari 1.0. It has gone offline at this point, of course._

_Only one person I knew had access to the old Ari filing systems implemented into the Ari. It was the fbi agent who had just came to Philadelphia to help with the origami killer case. I’ll never forget what I saw that day. My friends were mindless drones, just like the act I had feigned. Empty. Soulless. Like a doll’s eyes. They looked like they didn’t have an ounce of humanity left in their body.”_ The recording cut off and Norman played the next one.

“ _My memories are starting to become foggier and foggier. I’m starting to lose them. There was always something that reminded me, no matter how much the serum tried to make me forget. Finding employment was damn near impossible. I drifted between realities, the serum fighting my brain to erase everything that was there. I spent my free time forcing myself to record my memories, not letting the serum win. It was around this point in time that I learned of the last person to ever live through the serum undamaged._

_I still don’t understand how he survived. I was an absolute wreck, as the serum was starting to fight my brain. But I can’t let myself forget. I won’t forgive those monsters for what they’ve done. I keep making these recordings as a way to remind myself of what happened. It wasn’t long before you switched to Ari 2.0. I certainly couldn’t understand how you survived the serum._

_I’m like a ticking timebomb, just waiting for the memories to be erased. Who knows… maybe I’ll lose all my memories. Maybe this will reach out to you. Even after all these years, I still can’t understand what kind of monster would do this. I don’t understand how anyone can live with themselves after doing that… but none of that mattered. Despite the serum fighting my mind, I still remember what happened. And that’s all that I needed._

_Finally, I found a way to get the word out!”_ Norman shivered. This person was talking about _him_! He played the next one.

          “ _I’m sorry that I’ve chosen you for this information. I still don’t know if you’re even listening to me right now. I can barely remember anything, aside from this. Somehow the serum can’t reach that last bit of my memory._

_But even after all this time, I’m a failed test subject. It was very difficult for me to love myself, knowing that I’m one of the last two living test subjects._

_I’m pretty sure the serum should have killed me._

_They used every dose and still it had no effect._

_I never tried to understand those monsters._

_I had no desire to._

_I don’t even know my own name at this point._

_I don’t even know if you’re hearing me right now._

_I know that they are monsters._

_They made the serum themselves._

_They seem to have a lot of chemical equipment, for the fbi._

_I’m afraid to remember where it came from._

_Sometimes I wonder if I could have helped._

_I can’t tell my own age anymore…I… think I’m dying…_

_It’s partially because of the memory loss… but it’s mostly because I want to be…”_ The recording shut off as Norman loaded the next recording.

          “ _I’ve never told anyone about this. Was locked in the loony bin, never allowed to leave. I thought it would fight off the serum if I recorded my feelings…to an obsolete machine…_

_But this hasn’t fought off the serum at all. The only thing to come from this experience is the burning hatred I had for those monsters. I’ve never let myself forget, as I torture myself with it every day._

_I don’t think I’m going to live much longer._

_I need to collect my thoughts before they completely disappear._

_I don’t want to die! But I can’t let myself live either…_

_Not until those monsters get what they deserve._

_Those employees from 2011, most of them are old now, but they’ve never paid for what they’ve done. I can’t go on living in a world where monsters like them are allowed to live!_

_I’m the only one that knows the truth about them, so I’m the only one that can bring those monsters to light._

_I still see them dying, right in front of me, over and over again._

_For the first time in a year, I feel alive, like I have a purpose._

_I feel like I’m winning against the serum. I’m going to prove what those monsters did, or die trying. This old thing was good for something after all.”_ The recording cut off as Norman played the next one.

          “ _I found them. It wasn’t hard. I just had to play the drone act again. I’ve been following them for the past month._

_It’s not that hard to follow someone if they believe you’re brain dead anyway. The only difficult part is not looking at them with absolute disgust._

_Thinking about that project…what they’ve done…what happened to my friends…it almost makes me go blind with rage._

_This whole month… I’ve acted like a brain-dead drone._

_Yesterday, I realized why it was so easy._

_I’m surprised it took me this long to figure it out._

_It’s the serum. I’d suddenly forget something, and wonder why I had gone there in the first place._

_I know what’s happening. I’m losing the fight._

_It didn’t take me long to completely break down and scream._

_So many innocent people, murdered._

_I don’t know what they’d done wrong, but they were marked for death when they accepted those damn glasses._

_They were dead within months without the Tripto._

_I wanted to warn you of this… but you were gone._

_You’ll be dead within the month if you don’t do something._

_I want you to stop using the new Ari._

_It has the very same serum in it._

_Don’t repeat the mistakes of my past._

_In order to stop this, you need to destroy the damn device._

_Don’t…keep using it. You’re going to die._

_If I eventually succumbed to the serum, what do you think will happen to you?_

_If you’re hearing this, then please keep it a secret. You don’t want to be made out to be mad._

_Trust me…”_

Blake continued to listen to the tapes, but he quickly realized that they were in French. Probably done on purpose so it doesn’t get out to just anyone.

          “ _I’m a fool! A damn fool! I’m recording this. Anyone can hear this._

_I don’t really care though. They need to pay._

_Hello Norman Jayden…_

_Try not to show any expression that would give away what you’re listening to._

_They were smiling. I recognized that smile._

_It was the exact same smile they had when they gave us this damned device back in 2011._

_I didn’t suspect a thing. I just shrugged it off._

_I’ve realized how much of an idiot I was._

_They know I’m after them!_

_There’s no way they’ll let me live! I’m doomed!_

_I can't go to the police; I'll sound like a babbling lunatic without any evidence, and right now, I don't have any._

_Even if they do listen to me, no one knows how to use this damned device._

_My only option is to give you this recording. I hope you find it._

_I searched for them. But I couldn’t find them._

_I can’t keep going like this. I’m losing the battle._

_I'm going to gather all of the recordings I've made so far and put them where I know you'll find them._

_That way you’ll know what happened to your mother._

_I only hope this won’t upset you._

_I don’t know if you’ll hear this recording._

_I don’t know if you’ll do anything._

_I don’t know if this will hurt you._

_I don’t know if you’re willing to listen to me._

_If you are, don’t tell anyone about this. It will only land you in the same place that I am. It’s pointless._

_I know you can take care of yourself._

_If I had more time, there are so many things I'd say to you, but I can't - not now._

_Stay safe._

_...I love you...”_ The woman in the recording choked to death, and Norman flicked back to the evidence, hiding the anger he felt inside.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So if you're still confused about the tapes I'll try to explain.  
> Norman's mother worked for the fbi in Washington.  
> She, Norman, and thousands of other test subjects received the Ari 1.0 prototype.  
> She wrote an article explaining the dangers of Ari that got published in a newspaper. The fbi found out about it of course, and they injected her with a serum designed to erase memories. The fbi covered their tracks and made her out to be mad. She tried to show them the dangers, but they didn't care. They injected her multiple times finding that it didn't work on her at all. Eventually she was locked up in a mental institution.  
> She found out that her son Norman Jayden was the last living member of the test subjects, and she put these recordings in his new Ari 2.0. Like his mother Norman was immune to the serum. She found them eventually. She then tries to warn Norman that the new Ari 2.0 had the serum injected just in case the recordings were in the device. She then begs him to keep all this a secret, because no one would believe him anyway, and they'd look him up in a mental institution as well.  
> She tells him that she left the recordings for him.


	3. The new guy

Norman took the earpiece of his ear and the glove and threw both at the wall in anger. When they were thrown against the wall the screen that was on the wall broke into pieces as he had broken the devices.

          “Hey…Hey, it’s okay.” Blake as he got closer to Norman. He didn’t know where the sudden anger came from, but he suspected that it was from Tripto withdrawal. He wrapped his arms around Norman in an effort to comfort him.

          “Shh…shh… it’s okay.” Blake reassured him as Norman pressed into Blake’s chest. Blake ran his fingers through Norman’s hair as he sobbed into his chest. Blake shrieked when Norman became limp in his arms, tremors wrecking his entire body.

          “Shit.” Blake knew the drill by now. He gently laid him on the floor as he folded his jacket and placed it under his head. After he unbuttoned the collar of his shirt he sat in the chair as he waited for the tremors to stop.

Blake looked down at the Ari device he had thrown on the ground.

_He loved the Ari, why would he destroy it?_

Blake noticed something strange coming from the device and he decided to put on gloves as he tossed it out the window, watching as it smashed to pieces. Once he was sure it was okay he took off the gloves.

Norman was still experiencing tremors and Blake was worried.

_It’s been two minutes. What if he needs an ambulance?_

Blake watched in horror as Norman continued to convulse violently.

After three minutes the tremors stopped much to Blake’s relief.

          “I got you.” Blake told him as he helped him up.

          “Norman can you hear me?” Blake asked with concern.

          “Yes, I can hear you.” Norman yawned.

          “Do you know where you are?” Blake asked.

          “I’m… in the office.” Norman yawned.

          “Okay. I’m going to take you home. Do you want me to tell them you had a seizure?” Blake asked out of respect for his privacy.

          “Go…ahead.” Norman yawned.

          “Come on, let’s go. I got you.” Blake told him as he helped him to Charlene’s desk.

          “Charlene Norm here had a seizure I’m gonna take him home.” Blake stated with worry.

          “I really think you should take him to the hospital, just to make sure he’s alright.” Charlene scolded.

          “I guess I should.” Blake sighed as he called for an ambulance. Norman was rushed to the hospital and Blake decided to visit him after work.

          “They have him in surgery now. They found a strange substance in his brain that they don’t know what it is so they removed it. He should be good as new in a week.” One of the nurses told him.

          “Can I see him?” Blake asked.

          “You can see him but he’s heavily medicated.” The nurse told him.

          “It’s room 116.” She smiled.

          “Thank you.” Blake smiled as he went to Norman’s room and sat down next to him.

          “Norm?” Blake called. Norman slowly opened his eyes.

          “Where?” Norman asked, He was too heavily medicated to form a complete sentence.

          “You’re in the hospital. I’m gonna let them know you’re awake.” Blake said as he called for the nurses. Soon enough they came in.

          “Do you know your name?” The nurse asked.

          “Norman Jayden.” He sighed.

          “Do you know what year it is?” She asked.

          “2013.” He sighed.

          “Good. Do you know the president?” She asked.

          “Obama.” Norman sighed. What was with these stupid questions?

          “What day is it?” The nurse asked.

          “Saturday.” He sighed.

          “Good. Do you know his name?” She asked, pointing to Blake.

          “Carter.” Norman sighed.

          “Good. How do you feel?” She asked.

          “Head hurts a little.” He admitted. She then checked his eyes for any signs of brain damage. Luckily there wasn’t any.

          “Well the good news is you don’t seem to be having any complications. We’ll leave you to rest now.” The nurse smiled as she went to see another patient. Norman soon feel asleep after that. Blake gently kissed his forehead.

          “See you later Jayden.” He left him a note before driving home.

Norman woke the next day to see the note left for him on the desk. Slowly he sat up and read it.

          _“Hey Norman I had to go to work. I’ll come see you after work.-Blake.”_ Norman smiled. Meanwhile, Blake was assigned the new guy Daniel Adams as a temporary partner while Norman is in the hospital. Daniel was extremely pale, and he had crystal blue eyes.

          Blake had never seen him wear a tie or anything like that. He had noticed his habit of wearing headphones without listening to anything. He had also noticed how naturally quiet the guy was. Blake almost wanted to grab the guy’s wrist and check for a pulse at times, but that would just come off as creepy.

          After several minutes of silence, they continued to discuss the case until it was time for Blake to go home.

          “Um, I don’t mean to come off as rude, but have you considered bringing a tablet? I noticed you have difficulties talking to me so maybe if you had a tablet we could communicate that way?” Blake asked Daniel.

Daniel smiles and grabs his tablet.

          “Thank you.” He writes, showing it to Blake.

          “Would you like my number? I don’t have a Boogie Board so it would be easier for us if we could text when on the job. You don’t have to if you don’t want to.” Blake asked.

          “You don’t mind?” David asked, looking down at the desk.

          “If you don’t. It’s up to you.” Blake told him.

          “Okay.” Daniel said as he programmed his number into Blake’s phone. Once he was done he handed it back, and they went home. After changing out of his uniform and into some casual clothes he went to see Norman.

When he got to Norman’s room Norman slowly sat up and waved at Blake.

          “Hey Blake.” Norman smiled as he sat next to him.

          “So when do you get to come home?” Blake asked.

          “They said by Saturday if nothing else happens.” Norman told him.

          “So in three days? Good, I miss you.” Blake smiled.

          “So I have to ask, who’ve you been working with since I’ve been here?” Norman asked.

          “You know the new guy Daniel?” Blake asked.

          “Well, I mean, he and I did become best friends.” Norman chuckled.

          “Ah man visiting hours are over. Bye Norman.” Blake sighed as he drove home.

 

 


End file.
